My secret affair

I’ve always wanted to be a femme fatale. The kind of woman who gives away just enough of her personality to be intriguing, but who still remains an enigma. If I put on some make-up and some sexy clothes, I could probably look the part, but the problem is that I have a very big mouth. There is just no mystery about me.


Some people say that it’s impossible for a man and woman to be friends without sexual tension getting in the way. I know firsthand that this is not true. I have lots of male friends and, even though most of them probably wouldn’t have minded a roll in the hay with me when they first met me, I quickly become just like their sister. I’m the kind of woman who’s likely to go into an indepth discussion of that day’s bowel movements, and, well, that’s just not very sexy, is it?

This is why it is like torture for me to now have a “secret blog”. Obviously it’s not secret to you (you’re reading it right now!), but I haven’t told Midwestern Man that I have a new blog. He found the last one and, even though he respected my wishes and never read it again (amazing! If I’d found his blog, I’d have read every single entry! What self-discipline he has! What respect for other people!), I didn’t like writing in my blog after that. I knew there would be a time when I would doubt our relationship, and I wanted to have the space to do that in an entirely secret place.

I’d like to write more tonight, but I can’t because I need to go hang out with Midwestern Man! What on earth will I do when we move in together?!


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6 thoughts on “My secret affair

  1. pandabox33 September 21, 2009 at 9:13 am Reply

    Is keeping secrets difficult for you ? I’m so used to it. At the same time I’m the overshare queen, no subject is taboo. I guess that’s why I have a blog, so I can put everything in it and not have to talk about it to everyone.
    I hope your “hanging out” was nice. Maybe when you move in it will be like in my case, one is in the kitchen, the other is in the living room. 🙂

    • petrichoric September 23, 2009 at 1:40 pm Reply

      I’m normally good at keeping other people’s secrets but I’m not very good at keeping quiet about my own stuff. Yes, I get the sense from your blog that there is a part of you that you hold back, even if you are “the overshare queen”. I like that dichotomy, though. It makes you interesting.

  2. phd in yogurtry September 21, 2009 at 1:53 pm Reply

    Wait til a dozen or so years of marriage passes. He won’t even care that you have a blog. I enjoy perfect confidence that my dear hubby never reads mine, unless I put my laptop open right under his nose. And he also could care less that I write about him. He’s so unlike me. I’m like you. I’d be snooping every chance I got.

    • petrichoric September 23, 2009 at 1:44 pm Reply

      You don’t really say anything mean about your husband on your blog, though! I’ve definitely said stuff about my husband that he would find very hurtful if he read it, so that’s why I want to keep it secret. I know that my husband has big doubts about me, too, but at least his thoughts are kept mainly inside his head, and not blasted off into the internet for everyone to see. If I knew he had a blog in which he wrote about me, ooh, I’d spend my every waking minute trying to find it!

  3. Daisy September 21, 2009 at 3:23 pm Reply

    I can keep other people’s secrets, but when it comes to my own secrets, I just cannot keep my mouth shut. I overshare to people I’ve only just met, about my insecurities, my plans, my secret blog etc. etc. It’s such a bore as I know I would treasure having a secret all of my own.

    • petrichoric September 23, 2009 at 1:48 pm Reply

      Yes, I overshare a lot, too. There’s a part of me that really likes this about myself, as I’m definitely a “what you see, is what you get” person. I don’t waste time trying to pretend to people that I’m something I’m not. On the other hand, I should be more cautious about whom I’m speaking to…it’s really not a good idea just to blab all this personal stuff to strangers because you don’t know if they’re trustworthy.

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