Where did all the men go?

One thing I have noticed since “discontinuing” my old blog and starting this new one is that there has been a subtle, but very distinct, change in my readership. All my readers now appear to be female (well, at least the ones who leave comments on a regular basis)!

Part of me doesn’t mind this at all. I don’t really have any good friends of any gender in this town, unfortunately, (besides my husband, of course) and I really miss female company given that I spend nearly ALL my time with men. It’s nice to come here and feel like I’m part of a little female community.


On the other hand, I never really set out to write exclusively for a female audience, and it’s kind of depressing that all the men have disappeared. It disappoints me to think that they were perhaps only interested in my last blog because I was much more open about being a sex worker, and they were hoping to be titillated. I have definitely noticed that other “out” sex worker bloggers also tend to attract more male readers who, it would seem, are either johns themselves or simply voyeurs. Some of them still leave intelligent, articulate comments (paying for sex, or fantasizing about it, doesn’t make you a moron, after all), but it just saddens me to think that it takes the mention of sex to draw men into a blog which would otherwise be “women-centred”.

Fuck it, though. I can’t write anything else about this topic because an “Air” song has come on the radio and a huge wave of melancholy has washed over me. I don’t remember the title but what I do remember is falling in love to this song. I remember the great wine, the great sex, the plumes of smoke from a joint rising up into the darkened room as we drank each other in, and listened to the music.

There were so many songs I couldn’t listen to after that relationship was over because the pain wracked my body when I did. It was awful because a lot of them were by my favourite artists. The only way I could “reclaim” these songs was by forcing myself to listen to them and “desensitizing” myself.

I guess I forgot this one. And here I am, eight years later, aching all over again.

The sad thing was that it wasn’t love. The sex wasn’t great. It was passionate, yes, but there was so much missing. He was an incredibly emotionally distant man, and it was the most abusive relationshp I’ve ever had.

The even sadder thing is that falling in love with him was such a heady, intense experience, and nothing else has ever come close. How depressing that the most important moment of my emotional life was actually a love affair which took place mainly in my head.

Maybe it’s good all the men have gone. Clearly, I can’t be trusted to make good decisions about them.


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8 thoughts on “Where did all the men go?

  1. Xul October 9, 2009 at 12:15 am Reply

    Glad to see I’m not the only one who was distracted by music while writing a post tonight! I remember hearing “Fade to Black” a few months after my ordeal with HF and thinking that if I had heard that song immediately after the breakup I just might have tried to off myself. Music can be a powerful thing when emotions are involved.

    BTW, any idea on the whereabouts of Arekino?

    • petrichoric October 9, 2009 at 12:53 am Reply


      As regards Arekino, I don’t know what happened to him. He never responded to the post I left on my old blog, asking people to get in touch. More worringly still, he never responded to an email I sent him. The email never bounced back, so that must mean he hasn’t closed the account down or anything, and that makes me worry. Maybe he just doesn’t check that account, but I hope nothing bad has happened to him!

      • Xul October 9, 2009 at 1:13 am Reply

        Yeah, Metallica. I used to be quite the metal head in my teens, then I transitioned to black metal, now I’m all about the early 80’s 1st Wave/Dark Wave stuff. Regarding the Dutchman, I pretty much responded to your comment at my blog almost the very same as you just wrote above. It seems we are on the same wavelength tonight.

  2. petrichoric October 9, 2009 at 1:43 am Reply

    I’m not entirely sure I know how one falls in love to Metallica. You must have been having a lot of hard sex!

    It’s so weird…..we really are in sync tonight, aren’t we? (in terms of our posts…not the band. That really would be weird). It does seem very odd that he never contacted me despite there being that note on my blog. I thought he would have at least popped by out of curiosity at some point….Maybe he’ll turn up. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

    • Xul October 9, 2009 at 9:20 pm Reply

      Oh, God no. I should have clarified my comment regarding Metallica. If I remember correctly there was a lawsuit against them over 20 years ago(now I feel old) because a couple kids committed suicide after listening to that song. I mentioned it because the lyrics express anguish and despair so succinctly.

  3. Reluctant Blogger October 9, 2009 at 9:04 am Reply

    It would be a pity if they were only there for the titillation. Seems unlikely – several of them used to write long, thoughtful comments which I used to enjoy reading.

    I hate all-female groupings either in real life or online. I steer well clear of them. I know interesting discussions can take place but the ones I tend to stumble upon (and run away from) seem to end up talking about diets, what they will wear to some event or other and chocolate. None of those things interest me. I know I am generalising and there are good blogs out there with exclusively female readership but I think it makes life more interesting to have men and women commenting.

    I hope some of your men come back.

    Oh and I hate hate hate hate that Ironic song too. I said that once on Twitter and was lamblasted by a whole load of Alanis fans!!!!

  4. phd in yogurtry October 11, 2009 at 2:22 pm Reply

    I do think men are very interested in the female pespective on sex. From my work and personal experience, women are often too reluctant to clue them in. Too shut down, repressed, inhibited, embarrassed, whatever, to share with the man in their life how to pleasure them. So perhaps there was an interest based on the more sexualized aspects of your former blog persona, rather than merely voyeuristic intent.

    Also, guys tend to be more action oriented creatures rather than talking and venting about emotions and relationships. Got girlfriend troubles? Shoot some hoops instead of insight and communication.

    • petrichoric October 11, 2009 at 4:04 pm Reply

      I wish my husband was more like a typical guy, then. He is definitely the one who wants to talk more about our relationship than I do, however, he always chooses a completely inappropriate time to do so, like at 3:00 a.m.

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