First of all, just let me ask who the fuck is doing so many searches for my blog involving the word “chipmunk”?! This has been going on since December 16th! Yesterday my blog received 141 hits (the busiest day ever!), mainly from people searching for material about : “chipmunk”: “chipmunk cheeks”; “chipmunk face”; “chipmunk picture”; “chipmunk, storing food”; “chipmunk big cheeks”; “chipmunk girl”; “wisdom teeth chipmunk” etc., etc., etc! There were also two rogue searches for “cat herpes” (glad to see I can be of service to other cat lovers out there!) and “timothy olyphant wrist watch” (okaaaaaaaay). It’s all a bit of a mystery really – I did include a picture of a chipmunk to illustrate what I looked like when I had an infected wisdom tooth, but other than that this blog is hardly overflowing with material about chipmunks. But, damn, if I knew chipmunks were so fucking popular, I’d have written more. I just wish all these bloody chipmunk aficionados could leave a fucking comment once they get here! Sheesh!
Not much to report on my end besides this curious obsession with chipmunks. My life since I last posted has followed a very dull and predictable trajectory – stress; handjobs; stress; more handjobs; stress; stress; stress; handjobs; even more stress and, then – bam! – the phlegmiest motherfucker of all colds known to (wo)man. It struck on Friday and I’m only now starting to get over it. I really should have taken around two days off to just lie in bed, as my body ached all over and I had a temperature, but, hey, there were handjobs to be given so there was no time for that. I can’t even remember the last time I had a cold (I mainly just get allergies in this town), but, to be perfectly frank, I was just very, very glad that it wasn’t swine flu. I had a feeling I was going to get sick right before Christmas, and I was so worried I would be out of commission for weeks.
Tomorrow “MM” and I are heading off for the Midwest where we’ll be staying with his family for maybe five days or so, then driving back home. As I’ve already mentioned, I’m looking forward to the drive a great deal because I’ve never been on an American road trip before! Could there be anything more exciting than driving through the US? It’s just so fucking romantic. God, there are so many, many things to hate about this country, but I think what attracted me here in the first place was the sheer size of the place, and the allure of the open road (although, um, I’m a hopeless driver, and have never owned a car). I just hope that our road trip doesn’t have a tragic “Easy Rider”-like ending!
The idea of an American road trip excites me because this country is so huge and diverse that you could (well, in theory, anyway) re-invent yourself every day in every new town or city. How could you ever do something like that in Scotland? You’d set off from Glasgow, and then a few hours later you’d have practically reached the other side of the country! Besides, the place is so fucking small that you’d probably bump into somebody you knew sooner or later. I can remember being with my parents as a young teenager out on the hills near Wanlockhead, apparently Scotland’s highest village (and very far away – well, in Scottish terms – from where I grew up), and bumping into an old shepherd who got talking to me. After a few minutes, he said, “Och, you’re so-and-so. Aye, ah ken yer grandfaither”. There’s just no escaping yourself in Scotland.
I like December because it’s nearly a new year, and that holds so much promise for me. There’s a chance I might change, become something better. Of course, by January 3rd I’ve usually fallen right back into my bad patterns but, well, hope springs eternal, eh? I’d like to throw off the past, everything that’s held me back.
Speaking of the past, some of you who read my old blog may vaguely remember a client I misguidedly got involved with (His blog name was “Darth”). We never really dated or anything, as he was too much of a commitment phobe (and, hell, what the fuck was I thinking getting involved with a client anyway?!). Well, this guy keeps on contacting me intermittently even though I never respond. Check out these recent text messages:
December 9th: Hello “Petrichor” it’s [blank]. I have made several attempts to befriend you after our fallout to no avail. It’s disappointing because I did really enjoy ur company and intellect, so if u would ever like to meet for a coffee and a vegan scone please to let me know.”
December 9th: If not then happy holidays!
December 9th: Sorry for the typos. The iPhone still baffels my elderly mind
December 9th: oh well. It was worth a try.
December 22nd: Happy Holidays Ms “Petrichor”.
It’s clearly odd and unhealthy that this person should still be contacting me despite the fact I haven’t seen him for coming up on 2 years (!!!), but it does give me an evil feeling of satisfaction that I am no longer the one chasing useless men around. The dynamics of human relationships are so crazy – this guy was never any good, but I liked him because he followed the pattern I was so attracted to….he was emotionally distant, never called when he said he would, didn’t really want me etc. There have been so many men like that in my life and they drove me crazy with desire because I stupidly found them to be a challenge. I could almost cry when I think about the men I let exploit me like that. The irony is that if the tables are turned, then they are the ones running after you, feeling lost and neglected. I really should be far more appreciative of “MM” because he truly loves and cares for me. And, God, that’s a first.
Now I just have to learn to let myself feel loved and cared for, and, hmmm, maybe give a little of that back.