The return of my husband


As I write this, “MM” should be somewhere in Tennessee, driving back home from the Midwest. He was supposed to arrive at the house of a friend of his father’s in Jackson, TN, around 11:00 p.m. last night, so I was surprised when I never heard from him. I didn’t want to call or text in case he answered his phone or sent a text back while driving because I hate it when Americans do this. (Jesus Christ, there’s been a cell phone ban while driving since 2003 in Scotland, and I want to vomit when I hear certain politicians over here drag out the same old tired arguments about “a violation of personal freedom” whenever an outright cell phone while driving ban is mentioned!).

Eventually around 1:00 a.m., I decided to risk calling, and sending a text, but there was no answer, and no text back. I went to bed slightly worried, but I was sure there was a perfectly good reason for the silence, so I didn’t lose any sleep! This morning when I woke up, I got a text from “MM”, sent at 5:00 a.m., saying he was fine, and would call me in the morning. I thought it was odd that he should still be up so late, but whatever.

This morning I called him, and he said that he’d arrived in Jackson at 5:00 a.m., way behind schedule, because he’d fallen asleep for hours in a deserted truck stop. Now, if he’d seen “Fat Girl”, as I have, he would surely have known that no good can ever come of falling asleep in such places. He was awakened in the early hours of the morning by some crazy guy attempting to get into his car (thankfully, the door was locked…not that really helped everybody in “Fat Girl”).

“MM” apparently screamed like a girl (well, he said he “yelled”, but I’m sure it sounded more like a squeal) which made the intruder scream back at him. Apparently they peered back at each other through the car window, both screaming!

The guy then yelled “Why are you following me!? Why are you following me!?”. If I’d been in the car with “MM”, I would probably have passed out in fright at this point, but “MM” managed, quite remarkably actually, to point out that he could hardly be following anybody given that he was sleeping and had been rudely awakened. This brief moment of reason had a very good effect on the intruder as he realized that, yes, it had been he who had tried to break into “MM’s” car, and not the other way round. “Ugh, sorry, man,” he said, “I’ve just been up for two days on crystal meth”. After this he disappeared into the night (shirtless! It was freezing!) to where he had come from.

“MM” seemed to be quite amused by the whole story, but I would have been terrified if I had been awakened by a crazy drug addict at the dead of night. Who knows what he would have done if the car doors had been left unlocked! He could have stabbed “MM” to death just from sheer drug-induced paranoia. I’m not usually a scared “girly girl” type of woman, but I’ve seen far too many horror films to ever contemplate falling asleep somewhere so isolated.

Then again, “MM” probably has more to fear from drivers texting than strung-out meth addicts.

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4 thoughts on “The return of my husband

  1. Arekino January 5, 2010 at 7:21 am Reply

    I’m not sure but I suspect I could sleep pretty much anywhere.

    In 1997 I went to a concert for the first time in my life. When it ended I followed some friends to an old abandoned convent where some friends of my friends (music students/squatters) lived. After it turned out that it was too late for me to catch a bus home, they offered me one of the empty rooms and a matras plus duvet. So I spend the night there sleeping. In the morning I couldn’t find my friends (or the students) so I just left and caught a bus home.
    The convent was actually a very nice place to sleep in (if you didn’t worry about whoever might be in there with you) as it was extremely quiet. Probably because of the very thick walls, I think.

    Also, when I was still working in green maintenance I had this habit of taking catnaps – in the lunchroom which was always quite noisy or even in the car that they drove us around town in. Sleep can be a great escape.

    And I guess I can be a bit of a Mr. Sleepy Head sometimes.

    • petrichoric January 5, 2010 at 2:54 pm Reply

      Oh, you wouldn’t catch me sleeping in an abandoned convent. I wouldn’t be scared at the thought of other students, but I do believe in ghosts and evil spirits, and I would be terrified that one of them would get me.

      Maybe you’re sleep deprived if you find that you can sleep anywhere. My mother used to have a good phrase for when she was so tired that she could have fallen asleep anywhere. She said that she “could sleep on the edge of a razor blade”.

      • Arekino January 6, 2010 at 5:26 am Reply

        Why did I write 1997 when it was actually 2007 ?!?

        You could be right about me being sleep deprived (considering my apparent lack of concentration here) but I always *seem* to sleep quite well.

        • petrichoric January 6, 2010 at 11:41 am Reply

          Maybe you wrote 1997 because you were younger and happier then?

          I think you’re depressed, so it’s no wonder you sleep so much! I wish you would resurrect your old blog, by the way.

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