Does this make me a stalker?!


Oh, how I long for the good old days! Before the advent of the internet and social media, I would see a good-looking guy at a party, or wherever, and there would follow weeks, perhaps even months, of longing and wondering. Who was he? Where could I see him again? Most of the time I never found out unless he happened to be a friend of a friend.

Even though Breakroom Boy works in my office, he’s not in the same department, so I didn’t think it would be all that easy to find out who he was. True, we all have to wear a name badge but what was I going to do? Linger about the break room all day in the hope of seeing him, sidle up to him, stand uncomfortably close  and then peer intently at the badge dangling from his waist? Well….I did consider it, but I ruled  out that investigative technique.

No, this is not Breakroom Boy.
But he does look a wee bit like this.

Instead, I briefed some co-workers to keep their ears to the ground and….success! One of them heard somebody use his name when they were speaking to him. Thanks to the employee directory, and my deductive powers, I was able to work out his last name as well. I know more about Breakroom Boy than is healthy. Let’s see what I know:

(1) His first and last name (and, oh, his father’s and grandfather’s too – although he is Breakroom Boy III, so it’s obvious what their names are)

(2) His age (32)

(3) Where he’s from

(4) What he studied at university (business – boring!) and his career since then

(5) His email address, home address and phone number (um, yeah)

(6) What kind of music he likes to listen to

(7) Where he likes to hang out

(8) His relationship status

(9) What his girlfriend looks like – I found a couple of pictures of him online with the same girl. She’s pretty, but she ain’t got nothing on me.

It was kinda thrilling to find out so much about him but I am ashamed to admit that I actually stayed up until 4:00 a.m. just trying to find out more stuff about him. How fucking out-of-control is that?! It’s creepy, and I would be creeped out if I knew anybody had spent that amount of time looking up stuff about me. I almost didn’t admit this on here, but I feel it’s important to address the fact that I am GODDAMN CREEPY! Oh my God!

Worse still, I created  a brand new AIM account just so I could anonymously say hi to him via chat. He didn’t respond! But, thankfully, all I said was “Hello”, and he has no idea who the chat is from. I’m thinking this is the universe’s way of telling me to leave this alone.

I must also admit that all my social media shenanigans have ruined the mystery a little, too, which makes me less eager to get to know him. I’m disappointed, and surprised, that he’s American even if Mexican-American is better than some vanilla white guy. I knew he was Latin, for sure, but he doesn’t carry himself like an American at all. I had imagined that he was Brazilian for some reason. He also grew up only 200 miles away and moved here apparently to go to college. I find this very boring. Why on earth didn’t he want to leave? Widen his horizons a little? Finally, I found a picture of him and (probably) his girlfriend dressed up in some lame-ass Hallowe’en costumers. Let’s just say that my brooding man of mystery did not look quite so intriguing dressed up as a mobile phone!

I think I’m over my obsession. Breakroom Boy is probably nothing like what I imagined, needed, wanted him to be. How could he be? Nobody could ever be that good.

I need to focus my attention on more healthy things but, still, I find myself drawn to adventure. At this point in my life, I can honestly say that I am only faithful to Midwestern Man because an opportunity not to be hasn’t presented itself. I crave excitement and passion.

I guess this makes me, at best, a weak person; at worst – a bad person.

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14 thoughts on “Does this make me a stalker?!

  1. rafgeymir August 12, 2011 at 1:16 pm Reply

    Don’t blame yourself too much- you’re certainly not a weak and bad person. I think you’re just willing to admit that mostly everyone who is stuck in a mediocre relationship tends to look for the greener grass on the other side (even if it is sometimes dressed up as a mobile phone, ugh.)
    And why not making you daytime a little more interesting by looking for Breakroom Boy (“Hola chicoooo!”).
    Oh, and p.s.: Gael García Bernal- you’ve got a very very very good taste indeed!!

    • petrichoric August 14, 2011 at 2:59 pm Reply

      It’s true that it would certainly make work a lot more interesting if I could say “hola, Chico!” every day to this guy; the trouble is that I want to do a lot more than just say hi to him! This makes my life feel very unsettled, and it makes me feel quite guilty.

  2. williamx August 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm Reply

    Pet, you have a huge unsatisfactory grade for your current relationship/general social scene, so of course you are looking about in . . . interesting ways. The fact you haven’t already started some kind of affair or something speaks to some principles.
    I am all stressed out and broke today, but I’ll write more later becuase this fascinates me, for reasons which you might recall from earlier times. but yeah, you are getting a bit off the hook luv.

    • petrichoric August 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm Reply

      Hmmmm, I don’t know if it’s a case of my having principles which would explain why I haven’t had an affair; I think it’s more a result of lack of opportunity and my pickiness. I find very few people attractive so this is why I’ve been so intrigued by Breakroom Boy. He’s just so goddamn handsome. It’s not often that I meet men who peak my sexual curiosity.

  3. Reluctant Blogger August 12, 2011 at 5:06 pm Reply

    Silly you! The thing with these lustful attractions is to only give yourself a small helping at a time. You just snatch one titbit of information at a time – don’t grab the whole lot and gorge yourself on it. Now you have spoilt it.

    But it’s hard to do that. I have done that too. But these days I try REALLY REALLY hard not to – to keep the mystery and intrigue and make myself work a little harder for everything, just cos people I fancy/lust after seem to be in short supply and I don’t want to use them up to quickly!!

    The internet is the ENEMY and you have to be strong and not use it!!

    Tee hee! Hope you find someone new to lust after soon. And I am not, as you know, one who believes that being faithful is some great shining virtue – you have to live your life in the way that is right for you.

    • petrichoric August 14, 2011 at 3:12 pm Reply

      Oh, Reluctant Blogger… you are right that I have gorged myself like some kind of sex addict bulimic. The mystery has been ruined somewhat, but, since I’ve never spoken to this guy, it’s still there. This is bad in a way because I have poor impulse control – as you can gather from my 4:00 a.m. googling stalker frenzy – and I do not know how to leave things alone that should be left alone. You sound like you are always content just to lust after your crushes from afar; not me – I always want more. The thing is that I know from bitter experience that I will always be disappointed, but, still, I can’t stop.

      • williamx August 14, 2011 at 11:52 pm Reply

        Reluctant Blogger is wise.
        I wish I knew some way to say “You will always be disappointed, until you’re not.” that would fill you with a little optimism.
        In any case, tomorrow should be an interesting day, since you’ll never look at the guy the same and he’ll probably pick up some vibe, good or bad can’t say but probably good, since he doesn’t know what you’ve been about, exactly, just that you look at him with a little more familiarity?
        Ha this is me in a wild fantasy world where you look at him with some mix of new knowledge and old pain, he is enchanted and smiles coolly, and you blush and exit stage left post haste with what discretion you can manage. And so it begins .. .
        Work crushes can be fun, but really should be left at the harmless flirtation stage if at all possible.
        I know this is a bad suggestion but I suggest it anyway: Get back into running, get back with some of your runner mates and meet some new folks thataways.

        • petrichoric August 16, 2011 at 9:28 pm Reply

          Runner mates? Ugh. Have you ever met any runners? I mean, the ones who are really serious about it? They are very possibly the most dull people who have ever existed. Most of them are upper middle class Americans, and all they have in their life is their corporate job, and their running. That’s all they talk about. I would rather be imprisoned in solitary confinement for 20 years than spend any time with these people. But, you are right – I do need to meet more people. Just not those ones!

          As for Monday, no, it wasn’t interesting at all. I hardly ever see this guy, so I had no chance to blush, and he had no chance to be intrigued. Probably for the best!

  4. Reluctant Blogger August 17, 2011 at 10:01 am Reply

    My latest crush is a runner! Well, she was a friend first really and I talked her into running with me. And so far, I have been good and it’s great – you cannot believe how I look forward to my thrice weekly runs!! We talk about all sorts and there is always the possibility, the teasing, tempting possibility that there may be more at some point.

    But no, I am not always happy to lust from afar – but it has almost always led to disappointment when I give in to it. Short-term satisfaction of course but in the long term I have always regretted the loss of the flirty/uncertainty/mysterious/longing phase!

    • petrichoric August 18, 2011 at 9:47 pm Reply

      I wish I had a sexy running partner. That would certainly help me get out of bed of a morning. Is she also gay, or are you just planning on tempting her over to the other side with your fiendish Reluctant Blogger charm, and sexy ways?

  5. phdinyogurtry August 18, 2011 at 12:30 am Reply

    At best, a honest person. Think of it this way, getting so much information so quickly saved you days, weeks, months of building a pseudo fantasy of the guy. Allows you to move onto greener pastures. Or back to the same old pale green pasture.

    • petrichoric August 18, 2011 at 9:47 pm Reply

      I dunno….I’m still kinda interested in him, to be honest. And I didn’t see him one single time this week!

  6. phdinyogurtry August 18, 2011 at 12:30 am Reply

    *an honest person. ugh, nothing like realizing a grammatical faux pas the moment you hit the send button.

    • petrichoric August 18, 2011 at 9:49 pm Reply

      I didn’t even notice your grammatical error until you pointed it out. I think I became desensitized to grammatical errors during my brief time as a teacher. Once you’ve seen “because” written as “cuz” one thousand times, the despair blocks out errors.

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