Comfortably numb


I’m ashamed that this is my first post of 2012! And I’m even more ashamed that this might be the shortest post ever. I’ve just swallowed two Benadryl and a half-bottle of cheap gas station wine, so God knows how much longer I’ll be awake.

I went to a party last night, and, drunk on tequila and without a ride/too proud to ask for one, I decided it would be a good idea to walk home more than ten miles at midnight. I got home around two hours later, thanks to a guy in a multi-coloured ice cream truck who gave me a ride part of the way. At one point, I decided it would be a good idea to take off my shoes, and run barefoot along the street (the things tequiala makes me do!). While I was still wearing the shoes, I must have stepped on some kind of plant or foliage, the residue of which remained on the shoes. Since I had to carry the shoes while I running Zola Bud-like through the streets, I imagine that this residue must have got on my hands, and that I then touched my eyes, and face. By the time I got home my eyes were swollen so much that I could barely see out of the right one. I got a bit of a shock when I looked in a mirror because I had no idea how bad I looked. The swelling has gone down, but I can’t leave the house today lest I scare young children. It looks like I’ve developed elephantiasis of the eyelids.

Besides being temporarily deformed, what else is up with me, you are perhaps wondering? Still working at the same customer service job, but I got a promotion and will soon be earning $42,500! This might not be much for some of you, but it is the most I have ever made in my entire adult life, so I am pleased. It goes without saying that the extra money will come in handy. I may work for corporate America, but I like the company I work for, as they treat me well and seem to appreciate me. This is rare in any job, so I feel that I’ve been incredibly lucky.

MM is also now working for the same company, but he’s a temporary contractor, which is how I started off there (so hopefully he will get hired on as a regular employee too, with benefits and a pay raise). His days as a barista are now (thank fuck!) behind him. This is good for obvious financial reasons, but it also helps me respect him more because there comes a point in the life of a thirty-something artist when you need to aspire to something more than making lattes. If your art career is taking off on the side, then working in a café would be fine, but if it’s not….then, well, you need to come up with a Plan B. It took MM a loooooong time to accept the fact that he needed a Plan B but he got there in the end.

Now we are both “adults” with “proper” jobs….whatever that means. We’re actually thinking about buying a house in an area about eleven miles east of downtown where we would be able to get (hopefully!) a USDA loan. If we did, we could buy a 2000 sq feet house with zero down payment! Home ownership would obviously tie me down here even more, which is a scary thought, but I’m tired of throwing away money to asshole landlords who don’t fix shit. And it is very stressful living in rental accommodation with ten pets since you have to lie about the existence of nearly all of them.

Creatively, things could be better. I don’t really write anymore. I keep on meaning to create my own website where I would write about more serious issues (not just “woe is me” personal stuff) but I never seem to get around to it. I *am*, however, in a music project with a guy who really forces me to get things done. If it was up to me I would get nothing done because I’d procrastinate. Hopefully we should be playing out soon.

Things are definitely looking up although I am still involved, from time to time, in the sex industry without MM’s knowledge. This doesn’t make me feel good about myself at all, but I have so much debt, and I just cannot make ends meet. Once 2012 is over, I will have paid off nearly everything, and will be able to relax a little. To be honest, the main reason I don’t update this blog more often is perhaps that I am uncomfortable writing about this topic. I am not plagued with guilt about what I do because, well, I try not to give it much thought. However, if I were to come on here and start writing about it, I would have to analyze my life more and I am very happy NOT doing that, thank you very much.

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7 thoughts on “Comfortably numb

  1. arekino April 29, 2012 at 1:02 pm Reply

    Happy 2012 petrichor! This is so weird. I was just talking about you with Xul and here you are!

    Well, it looks like you and MM are finally growing up 😉 or at least doing what you have to, to create a decent life for yourselves. Good for you! You should be proud.

    • petrichoric April 29, 2012 at 7:40 pm Reply

      Hmmmm, “proud” is not really the word I would use. I have a sense that my life is happening without me having any input. I would never have imagined myself staying in this city for eight years, let alone buying a house here. But I guess I’ll just go with the flow, and see what happens.

      • darwinsblade May 2, 2012 at 6:18 am Reply

        “have a sense that my life is happening without me having any input.”

        I think everybody tends to have that sense. But you have made choices from the options that you had and right now your input is your hard work.

  2. williamx April 29, 2012 at 6:33 pm Reply

    Growing up? Bah. Getting a little ahead on the career? Capital. I’m super glad to read this update, though it took near unto 5 months! Sounds like things are improving and you are not so self depreciating/self-critical. Girls got to do what a girls got to do and what of it eh?
    I’m kinda like MM in that I finally got away from testing video games and just hating it and going nowhere, to a contract gig at a ‘real’ software company doing stuff I really like, stuff I used to know how to do drunk and sleepy, but now am just out of date and stale. So . . . challenge!
    I want to write some more complimentary babble but afraid I’ll sound all patronizing, so instead I’ll just ask you to not forget you rule.

    • petrichoric April 29, 2012 at 7:42 pm Reply

      Aw, how nice to have a post from both my dear Arekino and William X in the same day! Glad to hear that things are looking up for you, too! What about the love life? Hope you’ve found a nice girl!

  3. xul April 30, 2012 at 11:44 am Reply

    Yay! You’re back! We were about to send out an APB on you or perhaps the Rangers! LOL 😉 I hope you did not buy that awful Cisco shite to go with your Benadryl. Someone gave me some of that once and I literally thought I was sipped a micky. I needed a snow shovel to scrape my arse off the bathroom floor.

    And congrats on the job! Would you like to adopt me? Just kidding. It’s been a very long time since I made money like that. I’d feel like a millionaire if I was making money like that again. It must be a wonderful feeling to finally be able to get things going. And gad to hear that MM is getting his act together, too. The stress reduction for you must be wonderful.

  4. williamx April 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm Reply

    Sadly, No. But I have stepped my illicit love affair(s) back to straight up friendship, so even though I am not getting the sex0r any longer I feel a little more moral and ethically sound. And I am almost feeling ready for a real relationship. So now I just need to stop wanting one and I am sure to find/be found by someone great and good.

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